Sometimes I feel as though the more practice I have painting
in oil, the more difficult and involved it becomes. This painting was started back in February
but has been in the dreaded and seemingly interminable “half finished” phase
for months now. It seems to always go
this way - I victoriously cover the white of the canvas in one to two sessions,
slap on a second layer in spots I feel comfortable with, and then bang my head
on my pallet the entire rest of the way.
This frustration for me is bitter-sweet.
It represents a duality inherent to the art-making process, one which is
both indispensable and compulsory. Without
some level of challenge one would acquire severe boredom and cease making art
(or make very bad art), and yet this very challenge can overwhelm, exhaust, or
for some, debilitate.
Unfortunately, I often find myself in the latter
category. I consider what this says
about myself as a person and as an artist – am I simply too pessimistic in
character, lazy in body and spirit, too unpracticed, or perhaps to foolish and dense
to be asking the right questions of my art?
In the end I gamble that this is experienced by all artists at some
point and that I am simply normal… but “normal” is never something an artist
wants to be.
